M isn't for Monster

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I am not going to top this post off with sprinkles, being a foster parent is hard. One of the most interesting + surprising parts of being a foster mom is learning that bio Mom is not a monster. I have actually always grown to really love our bio moms. No matter what the circumstances are, I have found that 99% of the time they love their kids, and simply have not loved themselves enough to get or stay on track.

Some of the most common feedback and questions I receive on the daily, are about how bad bio mom is, or what did she do this time. This annoys me beyond words. Yes, bio mom's have a hard time and need guidance but it is no one's business. Especially, when others are asking to try and affirm they can open up and love the child because they see bio mom's failure as a win for the foster family. (sad, but true). Totally a defense mechanism, I get it. But the bottom line is, this story belongs to bio mom + baby.

Building a relationship with birth parents does not happen overnight. They typically are not ready to trust, are angry at the situation and often do not understand what will happen next. Could you imagine, everyday wondering where you child is and what they are doing? I would go nuts. This is why I have made it a personal mission to help change the perception of bio mom's one person at a time.

Bio Mom does not have claws, fangs, scary monster powers or purple fur. She is a REAL woman. Often a lost and forgotten woman. This is why it is important not to jump to conclusions but to love instead.

My tips for bonding with bio mom:

1. In the beginning, just listen. 
2. After your build trust, ask questions of support. Ex: "How is X going?"
3. Offer information about yourself. Ex: "I have a sister too!"
4. Be real. Be kind. Be her person.